Your Autistic Child – What we don’t Talk About…
We talk about loving our Child.
We don’t talk about sometimes hating the “baggage” they bring with them (I just noticed censoring myself writing, “Sometimes hating our Child” – too much, too harsh, too open to misinterpretation).
We talk about supporting our Child: we will do whatever it takes.
We don’t talk about sometimes being so tired of our caring role we want to throw it out of the window.
We talk about giving our all.
We don’t talk about having run out of things to give.
We talk about understanding their behaviour as a clue to their needs.
We don’t talk about how their behaviour is simply sometimes too much, driving us crazy.
We are dry.
We are tired.
We would like to be an Angel, but today the Devil has the upper hand…
We want a moan.
We need to complain.
And sometimes, some of us do- over and over…It feels so good that sometimes we even get attached to the role of the suffering parent…there is a payback in the admiration of other people, “Oh I think you are marvellous, I don’t know how you do it…”. It makes sense of the hand life has dealt us. We can put on that identity like a cloak. Special Needs parent/Special Parent. Thank you very much.
The problem is…
Moaning with no context, with no realization that we are moaning, goes nowhere except to increase negativity. Moaning and complaining feeds on itself. Being a victim becomes a beautiful place. one without responsibility – “Oh you poor thing..”
And not only you,but your child suffers too.
But I know you don’t do that . I know (and I am not being ironic) that the people who read this blog are good people doing the best they can. You are doing the best you can and that includes not indulging in a moan fest…
Sometimes it is good to let it out, to give voice to the negative, to speak our exhaustion and our judgements. Sometimes it is good to say, “This is too much”.
Because when we acknowledge the reality of how we we are feeling in any given moment, it gives us a chance to move on.
Instead of telling ourselves off – “Oh, I shouldn’t be thinking this. I am meant to be a great Mum,” why not say, “This is how I am feeling…..”, really know that it is OK to be feeling that, and move on. Let it go.
Readers of this blog know that I use a wonderful tool called EFT to do this….it is a way of “telling the truth”, clearing the negative and so being able to move into the positive and creative action. Perhaps I could say it is a completely healthy way of having a moan!
The difference between being inside a moan and acknowledging a negative is the difference between healthy and unhealthy parenting.
The first is like an overgrown garden, full of weeds with no light for the flowers to reach the sun.
The second is a garden where we clear the weeds, so that the flowers, our children, can be nourished and thrive.
We will always have negative stuff going on. There will always be weeds. The trick is to recognize them and clear them.
Then your flowers can grow…