Do you know that feeling when something challenging is happening in your life and you just want to get back to “normal” and then something else crops up and it never seems to end?
That’s what I am in. All year has been major transition…
Letting go of the family home…
Buying a new house…
Starting afresh seems to be on hold while there are builders and decorators and then I have to sort something else big out and I have to go to Turkey for that and there was something brilliant I went on holiday to Greece to do an amazing dance workshop but I didn’t really have time because I should have been at home to watch the builders and then the guy with my stuff goes away and then my special needs daughter is having a hard time and I have to sort that and then my other daughter is getting married and there’s stuff to sort for that and then there’s the tax return and I am hitting a major age milestone this summer – Oh, and I am trying to lose weight…
Did you stay with me? I hope not because being inside that is not fun!
Reader… I confess I lost myself a bit in all that.
Not completely, but sometimes. For all my teaching about “Presence” and grounding and tapping… it did get to me.
There were days I was consumed by anxiety and I rebelled against tapping. There were days when I got through the sheer list of tasks on adrenalin fuelled by caffeine.
Sending this newsletter and keeping up with my social media and marketing? Forget it.
So why I am telling you all this? What is the lesson?
The lesson is that even with all this “stuff” happening, I didn’t lose it completely.
In fact, I did pretty well. There were tears but not overwhelm. There was loss but I created rituals to support me. There was stress but never collapse.
I went for walks, I took time out, I never succumbed to the despair I would have in the past. I kept on tapping. I even meditated, even if it was every other day instead of every day.
I was able to witness these transitions I was going through and give myself enough self-care to manage actually quite well, considering…
There was compassion and there was resilience.
And now looking back I realise the compassion and resilience were not sticking plasters. They were not things I just thought of and tried out. When I knew I needed to go for a walk or take a break or sit under a tree, it wasn’t fuelled by instant inspiration.
It was fuelled by years and years of working on emotional and spiritual development.
I know, I really know, that I am supported.
The Earth is there for me. The Divine is there for me.
Even when it seemed really really hard, I never lost that.
In this world of instant this and instant that, the power of practice over time is not fashionable. But the word “practice” is used for a reason.
The word “practice” is used for a reason
You don’t pick up a violin and learn to play it instantly, you practice. Even when you are a world class musician, you practice. Daily.
The same for sports, for dance, for writing… you practice.
You don’t say a prayer. The practice of prayer and meditation is so you get the opportunity, over and over, to open your heart to the Divine.
You don’t sow a crop once and hope it comes up every year…
Our heart development is the same.
It takes time
It takes weathering – getting the same lessons over and over until you get it. And then there will be more.
Over and over, practicing love not fear.
Over and over, tapping or clearing or doing whatever modality you use to grow.
Over and over, practicing self love and other love and world love.
And when you are down…
In those immortal words, you “pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again”.
And it is worthwhile. What seems overwhelming to you now won’t always be so bad. What makes you feel lost and alone now won’t have that power in the future. What feels never-ending now simply isn’t true.
And as you learn, you pass those learnings to your children. As you grow, your work in the world gets stronger and more potent.
Growth and self-development aren’t new age fads. They are the future, now.
So never think that this “self development” is just egotistical navel gazing. It really isn’t. When you choose to look with an open heart at your emotions and thoughts and witness your body and its stories and do something about shifting the stuff that no longer serves you and the world, you are doing important work.
Although nothing I have gone through the last seven months was deeply traumatic, I know without a shadow of a doubt that all those years of growth work have borne rich and supportive fruit. And everyone benefits.
So hang in there, keep doing your practice, forgive yourself when you mess up, start over and keep going. It’s worth it.